I am Lovin'TheGoodOleDays!


Welcome to my blog. I'm glad you're here. You'll find information about my shop; favorite recipes; features of other crafters and artisans; tidbits of beach living; and the ups and downs of life.

Yes, there were some things about the past that were definitely great, but everyone's list is slightly different. This blog is my contribution to the things that make life great, and not so great. Like all things, this blog will grow and change as I do. Come grow with me.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The ABCs Of Life...C Is For Cancer

Honestly, I'd much rather be writing about cookies, or cats, or chocolate, but this is the blog post that has been waiting far too long to be written.

I was one of the lucky ones to go most of my life without being touched by cancer.  I sympathized with others, but I really didn't know how it affects those who have it, as well as the friends and family members of the person fighting it...until 2010.  Then my life was changed forever when, not only did I find out my best friend had cancer, but that she also succumbed to it, with me by her side.


This is the earliest photo I have of us.  I am in the middle in the front (the only one not looking at the camera) and Melanie is to my right in the pale blue outfit.  (My other best friend, Lisa,  is to my left, and she passed away while we were still in high school.)  Lisa and I were 5 and Melanie was 6.

Throughout our childhood we did everything together. (When you live a few houses away from each other it gets like that.)  In high school Melanie and I were inseparable. We hung out at the pool in the summer, we went to the high school dances together, and we were on the debate team together.  She was the ying to my yang.  She would be the one to jump at opportunities for adventure and I'd be weighing the pros and cons, offering the voice of reason.

Posing in a photo booth while we were on one of our many debate tournamanents

We went to college, we got jobs, we had relationships, and we moved to different states.  But through it all she was my person; the one I thought of first when I had news, good or bad. She was the one I would tell first.  And I was the one she would come to when she needed advice.  No matter how much time would pass, it never really felt like it had.

My graduation from Duquesne University

Melanie was always the adventurer, and was often off on some exotic trip to far away lands.  Most of the time she would go by herself, but always she would come back with gifts, amazing tales, and new friends.

Sledding with the dogs in Alaska
Participating in a national celebration in China

Visiting a Masai village in Africa

Learning to play the steel drums in Trinidad

Exploring the canals of Venice, Italy
Speeding on a riverboat down the Amazon River
There are more, so many more.  Her friends and family would eagerly await her return so we could live vicariously through her.  Oh how we envied her and her exciting life...

But, what we didn't know was that she had been living with breast cancer for the last five years of her life.  For reasons which I will never understand, Melanie chose to forgo radiation and chemotherapy, knowing that she would only have about five years to live....And boy, did she live!  She did what she wanted. She lived on her terms and she enjoyed her life to the fullest.

Melanie getting a henna tattoo in India

She did not tell us she was that sick, not even me, not until she came home from China, where she had been teaching.  She sent me an email saying she was coming home to be with her family and friends.  A few days later I was told she was in the hospital, the oncology ward. I didn't even know what that was. Even after talking with the nurse it did not register that she would not be getting better or that she would not last much longer.  The first day I saw her she said my name and we hugged.  She was on morphine, so she was very groggy.  I came to see her the next day and I brought my Dictaphone, in case she wanted to leave a message for anyone, but she never spoke again.  I sat by her side, holding her hand, talking to her for hours, reminiscing about days gone by.  For those of you who have not seen what cancer does to the body, I will spare you and preserve the precious memories her friends and family have of her, but cancer is ugly; it is not kind.  Each day I stayed with her for hours as she slipped away.  I didn't want to see her like that, but best friends have a certain obligation to be there for each other in times of need, and I knew she needed me and I knew that she knew I was there.  Five days later, Melanie took her last breath.  To say I miss her does an injustice to our relationship.  For a long time I would grab my phone only to be reminded that she wasn't there.  I have a message from her on my phone as she was in the airport leaving for China that somehow did not get erased.  I play it just so I can hear her voice.  I still cry; for the void that will never be filled, for the friends who will never meet her, for the lives she won't get to touch.



If you knew you only had five years to live, what would you do?  Would you travel, learn a new skill, appreciate every day as if it were your last?

She will always be with me

13 comments:

Trina Prenzi said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. This post is a lovely tribute.

JudysDesigns said...

Beautiful tribute and a testimony to valued friendship. Thanks for sharing her story with us. So, so touching.

Sherry said...

I hope that the lovely memories of your friendship will ease your sorrows and help you understand your friend lived her life exactly how she intended.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Steph said...

Such a beautiful tribute. You are a lucky girl to have had such a treasured friendship for so long...the childhood photo was precious!

Unknown said...

Thank you for your kind words. She was an exceptional person and I was honored to be her friend.

Karen O'Lone-Hahn said...

None of us knows how much time we will get on this earth. It is our job to live our lives to the fullest and it sounds like your friend had an amazing life that she lived on her terms. What a blessing that the two of you shared such a wonderful friendship. It's not over as long as you carry her around in your heart :0)

daydreamsdustbunnies said...

I'm so sorry!! What a wonderful friendship you enjoyed while she was alive...and beyond. I'm sure she'll always be there in your mind and heart

I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm a breast cancer survivor and I know how it can affect friends and family of the patient.

daydreamsdustbunnies said...

I love your blog. I'm now a follower.
Laura

SewSweetVIntage said...

Your love and memories of your friend brought tears to me. Wonderful post and life is so precious!

SewSweetVIntage said...

Lisa,
I've nominated you for the Liebster Award!
http://www.sewsweetvintage.com/p/liebster-a.html
Beautiful post!!!!!

Marsha of Marsha Neal Studio said...

Oh. Lisa. What a wonderful post. Sad. Uplifting. And Tearful... And what a treasure to have had such an amazing friendship throughout your life! Thank you for this beautiful insight. Indeed. What would one do if there were only 5 years left...

Unknown said...

I'm so touched. Thank you.

Unknown said...

Thank you Marsha. It's too bad you didn't get a chance to meet her. She was so inspirational.